Hickeys

True Story:

“Holy hell, he left hickeys on my neck! I‘m going to visit D*ck-face in 4 hours & Dumb-a*s left hickeys on my neck!……Maybe I can say they were from the last time I saw him & they never went away”

As Chubs had a nervous breakdown while checking her reflection in the mirror, I reminded her that she hadn’t seen d*ck-face in over a month, & no matter how bad they were, a hickey just didn’t stay fresh for that long.

“Why don’t you just cover it up with make-up, he’ll be too stoned to notice? Or maybe you can latch him to your neck as soon as you get there…”

D*ck-face was the type of guy who routinely checked Chubs from head to toe because she was the town whore……not literally, but he seemed to think so. He was also on every drug known to man-kind & would have believed her if she told him aliens abducted her & their only way of communication was through sucking.

“I got it! That fat dike who lives next door came over & face-raped you!” Then again, that probably wasn’t the most convincing scenario since the fat dike next door was my mother who lived one room over.

This wasn’t working out so well. Chubs hadn’t intended on letting Dumb-a*s have his way with her, but the more she drank the cuter he seemed to be, & what better reason to let a half-drunken moron molest you, than after a few too many shots of Yager?

She decided to make the trip to Corpus & figured the answer would hit her during the three hour drive.

She pulled into the driveway completely blank. Nothing had come to mind & wasn’t going to within the next 30 seconds. This was it. He was walking up to the car as she slowly turned the ignition off.

He opened the door & before she had time to say anything he yelled out “What the hell did the seat belt do to your neck?!”

Ah, d*ck-face, you never let us down...