So, at work today…
…I felt like letting my Staff Sergeant, who we’ll call Captain Awesome, know how much of a bitch one of my co-workers is…
In return, Captain Awesome yelled at Specialist Brooks to drop down & give ME twenty…(Specialist Brooks is just a casualty who unfortunately got caught in the line of fire)
So…Specialist Brooks proceeded to do 20 push-ups at my feet, while I stood there with a very confused, yet intrigued looked on my face.
After this glorious show took place, Captain Awesome asked if I felt like I was ready to put a smile on my face. I simply smiled & said yes, even though I still felt a little awkward about what had just taken place…..Captain Awesome then yelled, “NOT GOOD ENOUGH! BROOKS, DROP DOWN & GIVE MS. MOMO 10 MORE!”
I thought about whether or not I should stand on Specialist Brooks back, but figured, taking my aggressions out on this innocent 20 year old wouldn’t make me feel better about that whore back at the clinic.
Towards the end of this wonderful, life-long memory, Captain Awesome asked if I was going to either get happy, or continue to torture Specialist Brooks?…
“Specialist Brooks…for a while now, you’ve been doing an excellent job of serving your country…but today you showed just how much you love America!…Well, maybe that’s stretching it, but if I can get you, someone I don’t even know, to do push-ups at my feet simply by stating how much of a b*itch “whore” is……then you have served your country well!” You sir, put a little bit of faith back into the male race…
Ah, Specialist Brooks, you’ll never let us down…
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Short story:
Q: What happens when you drink a 5th of white grape vodka while swimming in an above ground pool & then try to climb down the “slip-proof” stairs attached, but don’t quite make it off the top step?
A: Black bruises from head to toe, 1 black eye, a fractured nose & a mild concussion…
Moral of the story: Pills are good :)
Q: What happens when you drink a 5th of white grape vodka while swimming in an above ground pool & then try to climb down the “slip-proof” stairs attached, but don’t quite make it off the top step?
A: Black bruises from head to toe, 1 black eye, a fractured nose & a mild concussion…
Moral of the story: Pills are good :)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Chubs is scary when she's pregnant...
Chubs is scary when she’s pregnant…
The reason I can say this without fear of losing my life is because she’s 3,000 miles away…
Now imagine a small crazy person having babies with another small crazy person….this would be the picture perfect life of Chubs & Lovey, and this type of behavior runs in Lovey’s family.
I recently heard a story that was a little bit scary, yet intriguing at the same time, so I figured I would share it with you.
For those of you who hate those nagging wives that just seem to bitch about every little thing in their mans life…..you should be happy, because in the famous words of comedian Jim Breuer, “a quiet woman will murder you in your sleep”, and this couldn’t be more true for Lovey’s little sister.
This little girl couldn’t weigh more than 90 pounds soaking wet & can’t possibly be more than 5 ft tall. Her husband is about 6 ft 2 in tall & is covered from head to toe in tattos.
Lovey’s little sister, who we will call “The almighty one” doesn’t let her feelings show very often, but when she does, watch the f*uck out…
One night while laying in bed, The almighty one’s husband decided to tell her she was crazy. An hour later, he woke up to his pint sized wife sitting on top of him with a knife to his throat & a “crazy” look in her eye.
His response…”babe, what are you doing???…”
The almighty one’s response…”who’s the crazy one now?!”
Moral of the story: The quiet one’s will murder you in your sleep….especially if you call them crazy.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scourned"
The reason I can say this without fear of losing my life is because she’s 3,000 miles away…
Now imagine a small crazy person having babies with another small crazy person….this would be the picture perfect life of Chubs & Lovey, and this type of behavior runs in Lovey’s family.
I recently heard a story that was a little bit scary, yet intriguing at the same time, so I figured I would share it with you.
For those of you who hate those nagging wives that just seem to bitch about every little thing in their mans life…..you should be happy, because in the famous words of comedian Jim Breuer, “a quiet woman will murder you in your sleep”, and this couldn’t be more true for Lovey’s little sister.
This little girl couldn’t weigh more than 90 pounds soaking wet & can’t possibly be more than 5 ft tall. Her husband is about 6 ft 2 in tall & is covered from head to toe in tattos.
Lovey’s little sister, who we will call “The almighty one” doesn’t let her feelings show very often, but when she does, watch the f*uck out…
One night while laying in bed, The almighty one’s husband decided to tell her she was crazy. An hour later, he woke up to his pint sized wife sitting on top of him with a knife to his throat & a “crazy” look in her eye.
His response…”babe, what are you doing???…”
The almighty one’s response…”who’s the crazy one now?!”
Moral of the story: The quiet one’s will murder you in your sleep….especially if you call them crazy.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scourned"
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